So today is Monday July 21st 2008

Things are looking up! why? you ask... because I finally get some money coming in. After being out of work for over a year, I qualified for unemployment insurance. Do I like being someone who gets free money... heck no! it feels better to be your own man and know that when you wake up, go to bed and drive around town; it's your money you're spending. But as you may or may not know I'm a convicted felon now (sigh...) So finding jobs in my profession makes it 500x harder. I've had 4 positions offered to me only to have them quickly tell me the position is filled once they learn of my felony... I even lost a $45 per hour helpdesk position because of this. So to pay for my court ordered infractions and the mandatory counseling classes I have to ask my Mom.... yea at 31yrs old I feel like the biggest heel doing that....

So I decided to just do what I can at the moment; collect unemployment and go to school full time and pick a handful of certifications hopefully making myself so valuable that employers can't help but have to hire me. I don't know if this plan is sound at all, but I'll tell you one thing, it's forward motion. Which is what I need at this time, as I am feeling so stagnant and not so valuable.

So now for my next step, actually getting some grants for schooling. I don't think I want to get a degree, rather I'd like to just pick up certs, but if it's mandatory that I do so, I will. Maybe I'll major in communications of some sort... iono...

I welcome any comments, please keep them constructive; I just want to know that I'm not alone out here. Good night

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Now playing: Maná - Amar Es Combatir - Labios Compartidos

So today is Sunday... The first day of the week

This week has been a little weird for me; I'm still going up and down on a roller coaster ride with my girlfriend. Well technically not my girlfriend because she can't be around me due to her divorce. This is what makes it hard for us to be together, we love each other, but can't hang out or be together because her ex-husband is suing her for joint custody and he's using me as his grounds for this... let me explain, I'm a felon, I've never been in trouble in my life and I picked up a felony, now my girlfriend and I can't be together because her son's father. It's either she chooses to be with me or she chooses to keep her son. There is no question as to what the right choice is, which is her son. Her husband wants to keep joint custody so she can take care of the child all week and he can take him for a couple days (the weekend) See during all this divorce fiasco; he's threatened the child and told him that he's going to kill me and show him and his mom my dead body; the kid was so traumatized that he developed type 1 diabetes which means the child needs insulin shots every two hours (mind you, this child was a perfect weight and ate small meals, so he was not overweight by any stretch of the imagination). Before the child became sick, the father wanted full custody and to have my girlfriend pay him child support, because the father states "It's cheaper to keep him and dump him off at his sisters house to be raised by them" but the child became ill and now the father just wants joint custody. The hard part is that while this court case is happening I cannot have contact with my girlfriend because her lawyer is trying to downplay our relationship as just a temporary friendship which is now cut off. Because I have this felony I can never be with her, or else her ex-husband will call cps and have her child taken away. Of coarse I don't think that will happen because I don't think he wants to give his son insulin shots every two hours. I cannot see her even sneaking around because she has to have her son by her side 24/7 because of the diabetes. This is a very hard thing for us... we're in Love, I've never been in trouble with the law (it just took someone to accuse me and bam! felony without evidence or anything, there was evidence to the contrary that the people were lying, but that doesn't matter in the legal system) I've live a straight-edged life (no drinking, drugs or partying of any sort) I'm a systems engineer for crying out loud! Now the dad's lawyer which is a family friend of his is milking the system: the every court date the lawyer fakes some new problem like a scratched cornea or something that will give her a continuance, meanwhile she send letters and faxes and calls to my girlfriends attorney which is costing her a fortune (every time his attorney contacts my girlfriends attorney for any reason, my girlfriends attorney charges her $350.00 dollars). In one month alone just from letters faxes and calls from the ex's attorneys jacked up my girlfriends bill to $3,700 dollars and they haven't even had a day in court yet... Now the ex's attorney faked another personal issue and got a continuance for another month which means she's going to milk my girlfriends attorney by calling her, faxing her and just finding reasons to make the attorney incur charges on my girlfriend. This is a hard pill to swallow; the ex is partying and seeing whoever he wants to and he's not allowing us to be together and he's stealing money from a single mother by his attorneys shady tactics. Whats more is that he never really worked or held on to a job while they were married, so for 7 years my girlfriend worked and went to school full-time meanwhile supporting her husband and child. This guy is the lowest of the low, he used her to get his citizenship by getting her pregnant and now that his papers have gone through 7yrs later, he's ready to step-out and have some fun and I'm the one that has to stay away from my Love.... This system is all screwed up!


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Now playing: Maná - En El Muelle De San Blas

Happy 4th of July

So I've been having a few issues the last few days with my girlfriend... She's got this guy friend that she met before we got together and from the story she tells me, it seems like he's into her; taking her to eat, the movies, hanging out at coffee houses for hours at a time, texting her throughout the day, calling her for hours. When I got out of jail, Her and I got together and this all stopped with her friend "flanders"

And she swears that he's not into her, that he only likes her as a friend. I say BS! Well long story short I keep telling her to get rid of this guy, don't talk to him anymore and she won't do it. I explained to her how I feel about that by putting the situation the other way around, and reluctantly she agrees that she would not be happy with me having a girl friend that I hang out with or text all the time while I'm with her. So she agreed to stop talking or communicating with him, but not be a jerk about it. So she will just start telling him she's busy when he calls and not answer his texts. I was fine with that, but it seems that she keeps forgetting what we talked about because she keeps talking to him.

She tells me that's she's sorry she just forgot and then spends the next hour or trying to convince me to be his friend. She tells me that she's not attracted to him at all and that he wouldn't be with her cause he likes really skinny girls... (Is it wrong that her statement bothers me? If I'm reading between the lines correctly she likes him and thinks he would never go for her. Am I wrong?) She also says that she thinks of him as a girlfriend.

So my girlfriend has this slutty freaky friend named "Esther" This girl sings in the choir at church, but has sex with everything that moves. Well, "Esther" is one of those girls that thinks she is God's gift to men, on a scale of 1-10 she rates herself a 10! On her scale "flanders" is like a 3 and scoffs at his advances towards her, because "Esther" feels she's way too good for him. Well to make it short, "Esther" had sex with "flanders" and because of that my girlfriend assures me that she'll never be with "flanders", but now "flanders" is knocking on my girlfriend's doorstep and calling her all the time now.

I think this guy has his sights set on her, I'm pissed because my girl keeps telling me that she's not attracted to him and that him and I should be friends... What is that all about? Doesn't she know that I'm just bothered that she won't let go of him? Why won't she let him go? Why does she insist on us being friends when I told her that I don't like him for the plain fact that he was trying to be with her and that when they talk he usually gets real detailed about his sex life when he's talking to my girlfriend. I feel disrespected here....

Tell me if I'm being too jealous here.



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Now playing on Windows Media Player: Spider-Man 2 - Dashboard Confessional - Vind

This Sunday....

I usually don't go to church anymore, but today I woke up at a few minutes to 10am (Which is the start time for Sunday service) and I wasn't tired, so I decided to get dressed and go somewhere I haven't gone in like 7 or 8 yrs; it's a little church called Jesucristo es la verdad. That's spanish for "Jesus Christ is the truth" so I was expecting a congregation of latinos.... I was surprised to see an older Australian gentleman teaching the service. It turns out that the original congregation that was there now has services at the Marriott Hotel since they have outgrown that small church.

So with an open mind and heart I sat down to listen to the sermon. I don't remember much of the teaching except for the last part which is still hazy, but it spoke to my heart. The man said salvation is free you can't earn it or be good enough for it, but there are 5 things we need to work out of our lives:

1. "Fornication"

When I heard that my thoughts quickly raced to my on again, off again girlfriend "M". We seem to have a real big issue with that because everytime we're together it's pretty much inevitable that we "become one" so to speak, but I knew that it was wrong...

2. "Lust" or something like that... guilty

3. "Vile Passions" I have no idea... He explained that relationships could start out one way and end up in a place neither intended... I was like ok, I wonder if that's equal to kinkiness or something, but made me do a quick self check. I don't think this applies to me.

4. "Covetousness" This is one of those vague expressions that I haven't taken to time to fully understand. So I looked up the definition on google.com and this is what came up:
-an envious eagerness to possess something
-extreme greed for material wealth
-reprehensible acquisitiveness; insatiable desire for wealth
-The sin of wanting something that does not belong to you. i.e., someone's wife, girlfried, car, house, etc.,

!Guilty! My girlfriend is going through a divorce right now, but the plain fact is that she's still married (This is why we're on again, off again... more to follow on that story. Well looking into this definition further I found that most if not all sin is pretty much selfishness at the core which is totally opposite of Love which is one of the greatest commandments.

5. I can't remember what number 5 is anymore, but I kept thinking about my relationship and was feeling pretty bad, then the pastor went on to say that we should end relationships that violate these things, I felt like this was something I needed to hear. I don't know what to do, I feel lonely as it is, but to cut off a friend like that would make both of us feel really hurt and bad.

Long story short, I repented of that to GOD under my breath and took communion with the church. But thoughts keep racing back to my loneliness.

On another note I did something that is totally out of the norm for me "Socially" that is; I went up and greeted at least 7 complete strangers... wow that felt totally weird, but it wasn't so bad, mostly everyone was real nice.

Well, it was nice to go to church again, don't know if I'll be going back to that one, but who knows. At least I know that I want to make an effort to walk the way GOD wants me to walk.
For next time I'll talk more about my friend "M"
This week I'm going to work on finishing my resume and getting a job (hopefully $45 dollars an hour or more). Good bye for now!

Regards,

Lonely guy

Welcome all

Who knows what this will turn into... or not, but I'm glad to have the freedom to do whatever I want with this blogger thing. So a little about me; I'm 30 something I don't have kids yet, I'm unemployed and I just got out of jail not so many months ago. I was in jail for about 6 months, it was the first time ever in my life that I was in trouble of any kind. As time goes by I may reveal what happened. For now let's move on to other things; so let's recap... I'm 31, I'm unemployed, no kids, no girlfriend, I have a felony on my record so now it's a bit more difficult to find a job in my profession (Systems Engineer).

This is a very hard start for me, but I must dust myself off and start walking down the road of life. The odds are stacked up against me, but these are the few things I'd like to accomplish before this year is over:

I would like to start working in my profession again.

Get my own place again

Have a wonderful woman in my life that will love me and nurture my past hurts and accept me just as I am (no, not my mommy lol)

Develop a new social network

Finally read the 20 books I have on my shelf

Speaking of books, I heard an awesome quote taken from a guy named Ralph Waldo Emerson Which states:

"Who you are today and who you will be in the next five years will be determined by the people you meet and the books you read" -RWE

With that in mind I am working on my social skills which I've managed to neglect the last 30yrs or so; the person who told me this also mentioned it's imperative to watch who you meet or hang around with, because people rub off on you whether it's one time or on a continual basis. With that said; I would like to meet people of good moral fiber, people of regard, not necessarily money. Just good hearted down to earth people to be friends with. Well I guess that's enough blogging for me today. Until next time, have a great day!

Take this moment to Breathe... Relax... and listen to some tunes

Take a peak at my Radio Stations, Just click here to have a relaxing listen <----